I've never ever wanted to be a doctor as much as do right now. 

"What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words!  His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.  All day long, and every day, the mill of his brain is grinding, and his thoughts, not those other things, are his history.  His acts and his words are merely the visible, thin crust of his world, with its scattered snow summits and its vacant wastes of water - and they are so trifling a part of his bulk! a mere skin enveloping it.  The mass of him is hidden - it and its volcanic fires that toss and boil, and never rest, night, nor day.  These are his life, and they are not written, and cannot be written.  Every day would make a whole book of eighty thousand words - three hundred and sixty-five books a year.  Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man - the biography of the man himself cannot be written."
-Mark Twain

ACCEPT NO FAILURE.

" If you walk away, I'll walk away
First tell me which road you will take
I don't want to risk our paths crossing someday
So you walk that way, I'll walk this way

And the future hangs over heads
And it moves with each current event
Until it falls all around like a cold, steady rain
Just stay in when it's looking this way

And the moon's laying low in the sky
Forcing everything metal to shine
And the sidewalk holds diamonds like a jewelry store case
They argue, walk this way, no, walk this way

And Laura's asleep in my bed
As I'm leaving, she wakes up and says
"I dreamed you were carried away on the crest of a wave
Baby, don't go away, come here"

And there's kids playing guns in the street
And one's pointing his tree branch at me
And so I put my hands up, I say, "Enough is enough
If you walk away, I'll walk away"

And he shot me dead

I found a liquid cure from my landlocked blues
It would pass the way like a slow parade
It's leaving, but I don't know how soon

And the world's got me dizzy again
You think after twenty-two years I'd be used to the spin
And it only feels worse when I stay in one place
So I'm always pacing around or walking away

I keep drinking the ink from my pen
And I'm balancing history books up on my head
But it all boils down to one quotable phrase
"If you love something, give it away"

A good woman will pick you apart
A box full of suggestions for your possible heart
But you may be offended, and you may be afraid
But don't walk away, don't walk away"

 Can I just say that Slumdog Millionaire is amazing?


P.S. 
Kate Winslet and her Golden Globe acceptance speeches were adorable and Tina Fey's was the best.

"The world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it."

there's really nothing much left to say except,

goddamn, i have great fucking friends.

"I swear I will not dishonor my soul with hatred, but offer myself humbly as a guardian of nature, as a healer of misery, as a messenger of wonder, as an architect of peace."

"Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97: Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's. Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. But trust me on the sunscreen."
-Mary Schmich


perfect.

This is the tattoo I want, written in this way and I know exactly where I want it. 
Most people who read my last lj knows that this was my first ever idea for a tattoo before my "OM" one came along. 
The reason why I shifted back to my first idea was because of what Susan said to me when I was talking to her over December break. 
"Get something that has specific meaning to you, something that you will never regret for the rest of your life. Does the "OM" sign really carry alot of weight and significance for you?"  
The answer to that is no. What I really liked about the OM sign was that each curve represented an area of "living" so to speak. 
For example, one curve would signify the "dream state" the other "conciousness" etc. 
But when I told alot of people about it, they automatically assumed that I was getting it because I was Hindu. This is far from the truth. To be quite honest, I don't understand where I stand when it comes to my religion. As beautiful as it is, I feel like a hypocrite adopting it into my beliefs because I am also agnostic. Why should I get it if also my religious beliefs are in a state of constant confusion and disarray? 
All of these little things added up and the idea in itself terminated with that one phone call. 

I am back to the two words "Inquilab Zindabad". It's English translation means "Long Live the Revolution". 
I guess you can look at the literal reason why I might get this tattoo (a reason that didn't even come into my mind long after I decided to get it): These words were coined during the Indian revolution (freedom struggle) which alot of my family members took part in whether it be through becoming freedom fighters or passive resistance to the British regime. But this says alot about my FAMILY, not me as a person. Thus, it's not a valid reason for settling upon this idea. 
The primary and REAL reason why I want this tattoo because of the way I interpret it. 
One of my favorite literary characters, Enjolras, from my favorite book of all time Les Miserables said:
               "An admirable thing, the poetry of a people is the gauge of its progress. The quantity of civilization is measured by the quantity of imagination." 

Through what is progress achieved? A type of revolution, and what is revolution but change? 
Let me explain. 
Revolution signifies the need for constant changes in society and lives of individuals- the People. 
Change or changes are needed to shatter the molds that society imposes on individuals so we look at life through a different perspective. But it is normal for humans to resist change. I mean, it brings about new obstacles, challenges and uncertaincies. "Confronting a change is itself a test but a greater challenge is to initiate a change." 

An article I found put it fantastically:

"The definition of revolution will vary from time to time. Place to place. But its soul will remain the same. Fighting for something what you feel is right. And fighting doesn’t mean a physical fight or a violent fight. It may be a long drawn struggle - struggle to achieve what you feel is correct for you. It may not be a struggle for masses. It may be a struggle just for you. It may not concern some national issues; it may be issues at your college, workplace or even home. The basic criterion is a need for change. Changes that you truly believe in, which you know are right, which affect you in a positive way and which will go in improving you and may be many others along with you. If you believe in something deeply, then only you can make your point and convince others of why it is needed, what it will bring about, whom it will be useful to and how it can be brought about."

Thus by getting this tattoo I mean these few things: 
1) Most change stimulate progress. And by progress, most socities benefit for the better.  For those of you that know me, you know that I am really interested in human rights and other worldly events. Thus "Long Live the Revolution" can constitute a change for certain practices, certain inhumanities being committed around the world. To change for Progress' sake.
2) "Long Live the Revolution" --> It can be an internal "revolution", that you as a person don't stay the same all throughout your life, but evolve in ideas, opinions, thoughts, values, perspectives, and beliefs. By getting this tattoo I accept this fact. I accept the fact that I am a constantly developing person, far from self-actualization. 



“The Reasonable Man adapts himself to the world. The Unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on The Unreasonable Man." - George Bernard Shaw

  

I guess I am one of those people that don't "show" stress very well.

Well, in case you were wondering.

I am stressed as FUCK.

Livejournal has died for me and most of my friends. We're all too busy caught up in one thing or another. My other account still survives because it's nostalgic to look back on all the crazy rants, stupid musings, a handful of surprisingly well thought out reflections and irrational thoughts I once had a long time ago.

College is great.
I love my floor and the people I've met.
I love ALL the people i've met and befriended in general.



Out of all these people, I found two friends that actually care about the world, not only on a national level.
and I love them for that.

Wow, I haven't updated this thing in a while. 

I can't believe I'm graduating in a week from now. I remember the day when my friend who went to GHS showed me around the school and to my classes in the summer between 8th and 9th grade. She specifically told me that "that in one blink of the eye, these four years go by just like that." I obviously didn't believe her. To me, this was foreign, new and terrifying territory. I thought that it would be the longest years of my life. It wasn't and in addition it to being the shortest it was the most thrilling, wonderful and beautiful years of my life. I reconnected with people that I had stopped talking to many years back, I made even more new friends than that and I put myself out there for the world to see. I blossomed into a person that Iam proud of. 

And I'm ready, more than ready to face college just because of these four years and the friendships i've forged and the people i've met. All these people and experiences have made me become a person that i'm proud to be. So thank you to the people that can always put a smile to my face. 

This summer, I have my job at the lab and my supervisor, knowingly cut my hours a little bit shorter but still insists on paying me just as much. Why? Just because she knows that it's my last summer with my friends. She told me that she wanted me to spend time with all my friends before we leave. When I look back on this summer when I'm older, I don't only want to remember doing a job (even if it's with a couple of friends I know) but having time to spend with these very same friends and even more. People change and I know that. We'll all change in some way when we go to college and it might be in good ways or bad, but right now I just want to hang onto this moment and in this moment I see my friends vividly. 

I'll be free to do whatever I want.
This is going to be the best summer yet. 

This Sunday, I'm pretty sure before dawn because the sky was still dark, my cellphone started going off next to my bed. 
I totally forgot to put it on vibrate as it charged but apparently my FULL VOLUME ringtone was on. 
So Augustana's 'Wasteland' exploded near my head. 

Max told me to get up and somehow drag myself to a window and look at the sky and just wait for a few minutes and just look for something. 
I was completely pissed off though and so fucking tired so I asked him what the hell was going on. 
Apparently there was a meteor shower that morning and he saw a few from his window and got all happy and called me on my cell to tell me about it. 

I mean it's the thought that counts right? I guess that wasn't exactly my sentiment since it was SOME FREAKISH HOUR IN THE MORNING and I was dead. 

I stayed at the window for a good 5 minutes with him on the phone and I think I saw a few, or else they could have been stars. But they were moving. Or maybe that was because I was delusional since my brian doesn't function at that time. 


but yeah kids, there was a meteor shower early Sunday morning. 
I would have probably been more excited if it was the first meteor shower I've seen & more importantly I hadn't gone to bed at 2am and been woken up 2 hours later. 

but it was nice. 



Oh yeah, and I thought about my Ball dress.
I love it, love the color it goes nicely with my dark hair. 

But then I was thinking wow, when am I really going to wear this again? 
So I've thought about it and decided to put my clothes-designing skills into action.  I've already made three bags out of two shirts so why not make a cute cocktail dress out of my long one? 
So my mom bought me some black dye and some shearing scissors and probably with the help of someone like Zara or someone, make sure I cut the dress to a little above the knee and then dye to black. 

It'll be tres cute!
I can't wait.

So on Wednesday evening, Zara and Max came down to CT and are leaving on Saturday night. 
I feel so happy when I see them, myabe because i never get to see them that often. 


My parents are out yesterday and today. 
Trust me, it's not like we didn't plan this out. ;) 
But anyways, we spent the majority of the morning at Dave's house with Lindsay, Brian, and us three just sitting and talking. 
Then Max, Zara and I left and drove around Colchester because we could. 
Brian joined us and a particularly vicious game of "Crash" ensued last night at the old Kmart parking lot. 
We drove around some more and more and more. 

I really dont feel like writing down all the details except that broad generalized statement that 'it was the most fun i've had in a long time' which a statement that's pretty true. 

Anyways, after 11, Zara had to get back to her aunt's house which is where she was staying while Max was staying at Dave's.  Zara had the curfew because it was her aunt but since her aunt had no control over Max, he came back to my place and we watched Volver together (mostly because it was between that and The Departed which Max has a strange obsession with and which I've seen 679 times).

Such, such a good movie...because I finished it this morning since we both kind of fell asleep on the couch and then he woke up at like 2 and realized that he had fallen asleep. After that, he booked it for Dave's house. 

Tonight is going to be a bit more relaxed I think since it's only Zara, Max and I hanging out and watching movies.

Two more days and they're gone. =( 


In other news, Karen got into McGill University! 
*does happy dance*

It's Me!

I adore this new livejournal. It's frankly alot better than my old lj name which was autumnlve789 which I made years ago in haste and lack of taste.


It's time for a change. Hopefully meaning a fresh start. A new slate. 


"In a general sense, the romanticists refers to several distinct groups of artists, poets, writers and musicians as well as political, philosophical and social thinkers and trends of the late 18th and early 19th centuries in Europe"